I've been staring at colors and
Cramming batteries into calculators and
Screaming at myself because I'm an idiot.
I've been scared, because it's
One thing to leave for the summer, but it's
Another thing entirely to come back.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't like change.
Ask about when I was last happy
And I'll tell you it was five minutes ago,
But transient things do not weigh enough
To lift the heaviness from one's chest.
A smile lingers on the face, and
A laugh twitches down in the stomach,
But the cavity above holds onto its accumulated gloom.
Are those tears of laughter or just existence?
I've been sketching expressions and
Debating over new board magnets and
Trying not to let something so unbelievably stupid ruin my day.
I've been scared, because now
There's new obligations to fulfill and I'm
Not too sure if I can balance everything.
To be honest, this the worst that it has been.
Maybe next week this will just be memory
'Cause life never stops and days will be better,
But today things got messed up and I'm
Just not ready to consider the future yet.
If I could choose based on happiness
I would, but America doesn't run on comfort.
It runs on shit.
Can I just close the book after high school?
I've been making connections about
How green loves blue but blue is waiting for red,
And how gold is just a friendship that got messed up.
I've been scared, because I've
Always been afraid, but now I think I finally understand
That it's getting out of my control.
I don't want to go anywhere.